She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize