Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
if only i could text you this smell
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
