You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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