My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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