We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
