What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
