you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
