I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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