I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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