Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
