Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
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