it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
