He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
