You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
