I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
