so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
