you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
