i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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