what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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