I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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