Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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