She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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