i don't plan on having that self control this summer
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
