he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
please come you make the beer taste better
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
