he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
babies were throwing up all over the place
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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