We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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