You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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