Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
