Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
smell my finger.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
