I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
