Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
