JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
