i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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