Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Dick very happy bro
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
