Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
