Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My penis needs a shock collar
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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