i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
