Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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