I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
