If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
