remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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