I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
