And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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