I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
