Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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