the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
