dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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