He asked to "fluff my boner.."
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
