she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
