Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
