Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
