u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
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