Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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