i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
