I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
we should paint friendship bongs
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
