broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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