you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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