I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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