Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
