dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Randomize