im drinking this country out of the recession.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
