dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
