Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
