ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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