So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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