she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
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