i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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