Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
