Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
