You really coming over, don't trick.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
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