im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
