the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?