I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.