12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."