Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie