Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
