farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
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Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
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We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The struggles of a small town man whore