You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to