He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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