i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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