i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
We named our party play list daddy issues
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
