my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
