Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
