I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My liver just had a heart attack.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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