9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
