im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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