Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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