lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i can't believe i had my finger in that
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
