I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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