im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
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Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
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You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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