I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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