We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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