I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
