Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
