did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
